A lot (a lot = 2) of people have been asking me why I haven’t posted in over three months? The reason for my blogging hiatus is that I’m checking my motives. I think what happened was that waaaaaaay back in my head in that little corner behind the thoughts that I don’t think about so often and in between the thoughts that I’d never admit to I had tucked away this crazy thought, this idea, that I was going to become a famous blogger. That a book publisher was going to happen upon my little words here on this side of the interweb; and they were going to read my randomness and think I was brilliant; and right away beg me to sign a book deal. And then that book deal would turn into a movie script that Natalie Portman and Kierra Knightly would have a fist fight to see who would play me and then my book turned movie would win an oscar.
Well that hasn’t happened.
I think what did happen instead of becoming a famous blogger was that I was living for the comments. I was awaiting approval by whomever read my blog. And if you commented I would feel happy. And if you didn’t comment I would feel sad. And then wonder if I should ever write another word again.
And that’s a terrible way to live.
So I just stopped blogging. Because living your life waiting for other people to approve you, to like you, to validate you… well it’s really tiring and very unhealthy. And in these past few months I’ve checked myself into proverbial rehab. I’ve detoxed myself and checked my motives and I’m ready to start blogging again.
This time I’m writing because I want to. You can comment or not but I’m not going let it bother me. Because blogging helps me clear my head of thoughts that get jumbled around in my brain. It helps me sort things out and share things that make me laugh.